Hooked: The Bonding Power of Sex
When we do anything exciting, a hormone called dopamine is released in our brain that makes us feel like the world is good, that we have been a success…
When any of us have sexual intercourse, we have a huge outpouring of dopamine into our brains…It is the same hormone that is secreted with addiction to drugs and nicotine…
So those in a [sexually active] relationship…become attached, addicted, bonded…
All of this results in actual physical changes in the brain. When these hormones flow and send their impulses, they dramatically affect connections or synapses between the neurons in the brain. Those synapses actually are strengthened when we repeat a behavior with an individual, or they are weakened when we detach.
So, when you repeatedly attach and detach with multiple sexual partners you actually weaken the ability to stay connected…
And because the same neurotransmitters are involved in sex as in drug use, sex becomes an addiction in search of that momentary sense of, at least relief, since fulfillment is no longer possible.
Sex addiction is often conceptualised as the compulsive engagement in sexual acts without any regard for the negative consequences that may arise.
Amid the reports of rape cases and sexual predation, a new study has found that sex addiction is on the rise – a constant battle to control their sexual urge and thoughts. Many have attributed the rise to access to explicit content online and casual sex.
#1. Sexual acts with multiple partners: Sex addicts are often unable to remain loyal to their partners due to their insatiable sexual appetites. This usually results in them engaging in risky behaviours such as cheating and engaging in sexual acts with multiple partners…
#2. Neglectful of responsibilities: Similar to any other addiction, sex addicts often put their desire for sex ahead of family commitments, job responsibilities, and pretty much anything else that isn’t sex-related. This can lead to financial difficulties, job loss, and even divorce if the neglect continues to spiral out of control.
#3. Indulging in trade-offs for sex: Almost all sex addicts are willing to trade their time and currency, particularly when illicit sex is the end game…
#4. The dismissiveness of risky sexual behaviour: What if I get caught cheating? Or contract a sexual disease from all the sleeping around?…Sex addicts might run along this emotional parallel for a while, the difference being that all the pondering in the world doesn’t stop them regardless of the consequences.
#5. Unable to reduce the amount of time spent on sexual activities: Similar to substance addiction, sex addiction is often difficult to cut down on, since over time the sexual urges become stronger, not weaker. It’s easy to detect a sex addict as they struggle to minimise the amount of time they spend on sexually related activities (also similar to gaming and internet addictions).
#6. Inability to discuss the problem: If you’ve ever tried to speak to an alcoholic about their drinking, then you’ll likely come across the same problem with a person who is addicted to sex. You’ll likely experience the same level of denial and an inability to open up and discuss the problem.
#7. Loss of sexual functioning: This is particularly prevalent in young males who tend to view a lot of porn. Since the sexual ‘high’ they experience in pornography cannot be matched with a real life partner, they often experience erectile dysfunctioning as a result. Essentially, when a male engages in porn, his dopamine levels rise to an extreme level and this conditions the body to desire those high-arousal levels. When indulging in ‘normal’ sex with a partner, this conditioning can reduce the ability to function.
#8. Displaying strong disinterest in a partner: This is perhaps the most obvious sign of a relationship problem, where one partner is keen to have sex and the other isn’t. When one half of a couple begins to withdraw from sex, this is often a sign that something deeper is going on.
#9. Constantly watching porn: Constantly engaging in porn and sexual fantasies…real-life sex often cannot live up to the type of porn scenarios that people see online or on television.
#10. Feeling remorse or guilt after sex: Shame and guilt often accompany most addictions…The type of ‘emotional hangover’ that a sex addict often experiences after engaging in risky sexual behaviour is nothing to be envied.
And often that guilt is turned outward. One of the most common tactics abusers use is to shift blame for the abuse onto the victim. The abuser will claim the victim is the abuser because of the reaction the victim has. The abuser may even attempt to convince the victim that there is nothing worth reacting over and that the victim is overreacting to the abuse. What the victim is actually experiencing is called reactive abuse.
“Nationwide, 81% of women and 43% of men reported experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime.“
“Unfortunately for many, and especially for children experiencing sexual abuse, ‘stay at home’ doesn’t mean ‘safe at home,’” Of minors who reported… 67% identified their perpetrator as a family member, and 79% said they were living with that perpetrator. This is unsurprising, as approximately 80% of sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim.
Until about 12 years ago, most sexologists considered BDSM—bondage, discipline, and sado-masochism—a fringe sexual activity that interested no more than a small percent of the adult population. A 1971 University of Miami study showed that 8 percent of men and 5 percent of women admitted engaging in BDSM play…
But beginning in 2011…the year British author E.L. James published the first volume of her BDSM romance trilogy, Fifty Shades of Grey…The book…was translated into 52 languages, and sold…150 million copies, making it by far the best-selling novel of all time…sex-toy marketers reported a major surge in sales of BDSM gear…
A 2015 survey of a representative sample of 2,021 American adults by Indiana University researchers showed that elements of BDSM were fairly popular, such as spanking (30 percent), Dominant/submissive (D/s) role-playing (22 percent), restraint (20 percent), and flogging (13 percent)…36 percent of U.S. adults said they’d used blindfolds and/or other BDSM gear during lovemaking.
Couple therapists have voiced mixed feelings about BDSM…one-third of therapists considered it bad for relationships….Other reports have shown that among the top reasons for engaging in BDSM were…the closeness BDSM engenders…
The emerging consensus among sex researchers is that, given sincere mutual interest in BDSM and sincere mutual consent, kinky play often enhances relationships and increases emotional intimacy.
Intimacy or bondage?
Many high-profile criminals, particularly those who have committed atrocious crimes, receive “fan mail” in prison that is sometimes amorous or sexual, presumably as a result of this phenomenon. Psychologist Leon F. Seltzer reports that “as a therapist I’ve encountered many women who bemoaned their vulnerability toward dominant men who, consciously, they recognized were all wrong for them”.
As evidence of women’s fantasy preference for dominant men, he refers to the book A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World’s Largest Experiment Reveals about Human Desire by Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam, who argue that this fantasy is the dominant plot of most erotic/romantic books and movies written for women, but the fantasy always holds that this male dominance is conditional, “it doesn’t really represent the man’s innermost reality”.
Towards that partner, that is. That partner is special. Until reality breaks through the fantasy leaving another traumatized victim of an “enhanced” or “increased” connection as the intended outcome of a “dominant” party in a relationship. How can this possibly be healthy?
Harvard Medical School’s own Judith Lewis Herman, a renowned trauma expert, has found that the coercive methods domestic abusers use to control their partners and children “bear an uncanny resemblance” to those kidnappers use to control hostages and repressive regimes use to break the will of political prisoners. “The methods which enable one human being to control another are remarkably consistent,” she wrote in a widely cited 1992 article published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress.
A soul tie is a connection with someone deeply embedded into your soul, certified sex therapist De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSW, CST,tells mbg. “Often it’s thought to happen after you have intercourse with someone,” she notes.
7 signs you have a soul tie with someone:
1. You feel connected on a deeper level.
Having a soul tie means you are bonded on a deeper level, at the level of Spirit.
2. They elicit strong reactions from you.
There’s a level of intensity to soul ties, and while they don’t all look the same, you can be sure everything will be amplified—the good and the bad.
3. They feel familiar.
On top of strong reactions to them, this person likely feels familiar to you…even if they’ve only been in your life a short while.
4. You may feel like they “complete” you.
This is especially true in the case of romantic soul tie relationships. This is when soul ties veer into toxic territory.
5. Your relationship feels unique or one-of-a-kind.
“Look for feelings and experiences you’ve never had before,” she says, such as never having felt that much sexual passion with someone else, for example, or even doing something completely new together, like starting a new business venture or project.”
6. They showed up at a significant time.
Perhaps this person showed up at the exact moment you needed “help, healing, or expertise they have to offer,” she adds. Ask yourself what was going on in your life when you first met and what they had to offer.
7. A part of you feels like it’s missing if they’re not in your life.
a soul tie with someone can often become painful if things go south, as soul ties can often turn into attachment (or be mistaken for attachment altogether). “A lot of times, people may experience a feeling of brokenness,” she says, “as if a part of them is missing because they’re no longer connected to this person.”
soul ties can also become toxic and one-sided. People..get lost in their role as a partner within a relationship and lose their individuality,” she says.
This neopagan article very nicely distinguishes the toxic vs healthy relationship experienced with a exploitive vs beneficent partner.
“What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” (I Corinthians 6:16-18)
This passage provides the basis for logically deducing that evil spirits present in a sexual partner’s body can be passed to the other partner while the bodies are sexual joined “as one body.”
This is validated by paganism.
“don’t feel that you’ll never find another special friend. The universe is very receptive and will help you find new friendships that are more aligned and appropriate for your life now,” she says.
A ritual for breaking soul ties:
- Sit in meditation.
- Call on any angels or spirit guides to be with you as well.
- Tell the…soul that you…simply don’t want to be in relationship with them anymore… physical ears won’t hear this release, but their soul definitely will!
But only if you ask for help from an even more powerful spirit!
A new study has found that sex addiction is on the rise with 10 per cent of men and seven percent of women in a constant battle to control their sexual urge and thoughts.
Many have attributed the rise to access to explicit content online and casual sex. Hypersexualized models of femininity in the media affect the mental, emotional and physical health of girls and women on a global scale.
- 25.1 percent are evangelical (“born-again”) Christians.
- Catholics came in next, at 22.75 percent,
- Protestants at 22.7 percent…
“Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” (I Corinthians 6:15-18)
This is not a moral condemnation.
This is an understated medical fact.
From the esteemed medical journal The Lancet:
A new surveillance report from the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), released on April 12, shows that the rates of chlamydia, gonorrhoea, and syphilis across the country have been climbing since 2013, and the majority of cases are occurring in adolescents and young people.
- chlamydia is the most commonly diagnosed STI, with 1·6 million new infections [per year] (481 per 100 000 population) remained unchanged since 2016
- since 2016, rates of gonorrhoea have increased by 45%, syphilis by 52%, and congenital syphilis by 235%.
Young people aged 15–24 years accounted for 53% of new STIs [sexually transmitted illnesses, changed from sexually transmitted diseases to eliminated the stigma] in 2020; 62% of new chlamydia cases were in adolescents and the greatest rises in both syphilis and gonorrhea were in females aged 15–24 years. Escalating rates of congenital syphilis mirror syphilis infections in women of childbearing age.
People tolerate the adverse effects of promiscuity out of a desperate need to connect, to be in relationship, to feel vibrant, alive, however fleeting.
Because they have no faith, nothing worth struggling through to hope for in the future, no evidence of things not seen, no understanding that the worlds – this one and the world to come – were framed by the word of God. So they “enjoy the pleasures of sin for [only] a season / short time guaranteed to end.” (Hebrews 11:1-3, 25)
Kingdom Come 