Hooked: The Bonding Power of Sex
when we do anything exciting, a hormone called dopamine is released in our brain that makes us feel like the world is good, that we have been a success…
When any of us have sexual intercourse, we have a huge outpouring of dopamine into our brains…It is the same hormone that is secreted with addiction to drugs and nicotine…
So those in a [sexually active] relationship…become attached, addicted, bonded…
All of this results in actual physical changes in the brain. When these hormones flow and send their impulses, they dramatically affect connections or synapses between the neurons in the brain. Those synapses actually are strengthened when we repeat a behavior or they are weakened when we stop.
So, when you repeatedly attach and unattach with multiple sexual partners you actually weaken the ability to stay connected…
And because the same neurotransmitters are involved in sex as in drug use, sex becomes an addiction in search of that momentary sense of, at least relief, since fulfillment is no longer possible.
Sex addiction is often conceptualised as the compulsive engagement in sexual acts without any regard for the negative consequences that may arise…
#1. Sexual acts with multiple partners: Sex addicts are often unable to remain loyal to their partners due to their insatiable sexual appetites. This usually results in them engaging in risky behaviours such as cheating and engaging in sexual acts with multiple partners…
#2. Neglectful of responsibilities: Similar to any other addiction, sex addicts often put their desire for sex ahead of family commitments, job responsibilities, and pretty much anything else that isn’t sex-related. This can lead to financial difficulties, job loss, and even divorce if the neglect continues to spiral out of control.
#3. Indulging in trade-offs for sex: Almost all sex addicts are willing to trade their time and currency, particularly when illicit sex is the end game…
#4. The dismissiveness of risky sexual behaviour: What if I get caught cheating? Or contract a sexual disease from all the sleeping around?…Sex addicts might run along this emotional parallel for a while, the difference being that all the pondering in the world doesn’t stop them regardless of the consequences.
#5. Unable to reduce the amount of time spent on sexual activities: Similar to substance addiction, sex addiction is often difficult to cut down on, since over time the sexual urges become stronger, not weaker. It’s easy to detect a sex addict as they struggle to minimise the amount of time they spend on sexually related activities (also similar to gaming and internet addictions).
#6. Inability to discuss the problem: If you’ve ever tried to speak to an alcoholic about their drinking, then you’ll likely come across the same problem with a person who is addicted to sex. You’ll likely experience the same level of denial and an inability to open up and discuss the problem.
#7. Loss of sexual functioning: This is particularly prevalent in young males who tend to view a lot of porn. Since the sexual ‘high’ they experience in pornography cannot be matched with a real life partner, they often experience erectile dysfunctioning as a result. Essentially, when a male engages in porn, his dopamine levels rise to an extreme level and this conditions the body to desire those high-arousal levels. When indulging in ‘normal’ sex with a partner, this conditioning can reduce the ability to function.
#8. Displaying strong disinterest in a partner: This is perhaps the most obvious sign of a relationship problem, where one partner is keen to have sex and the other isn’t. When one half of a couple begins to withdraw from sex, this is often a sign that something deeper is going on.
#9. Constantly watching porn: Constantly engaging in porn and sexual fantasies…real-life sex often cannot live up to the type of porn scenarios that people see online or on television.
#10. Feeling remorse or guilt after sex: Shame and guilt often accompany most addictions…The type of ‘emotional hangover’ that a sex addict often experiences after engaging in risky sexual behaviour is nothing to be envied.
Amid the reports of rape cases and sexual predation, a new study has found that sex addiction is on the rise.This new finding revealed by researchers at the University of Minnesota states that 10 per cent of men and seven percent of women are in a constant battle to control their sexual urge and thoughts.
The research which was carried out in America shows that the number of people struggling with difficult-to-control urges is creating concern for psychologists.
Many have attributed the rise to access to explicit content online and casual sex.
Until about 12 years ago, most sexologists considered BDSM—bondage, discipline, and sado-masochism—a fringe sexual activity that interested no more than a small percent of the adult population. A 1971 University of Miami study showed that 8 percent of men and 5 percent of women admitted engaging in BDSM play…
But beginning in 2011…the year British author E.L. James published the first volume of her BDSM romance trilogy, Fifty Shades of Grey…The book…was translated into 52 languages, and sold…150 million copies, making it by far the best-selling novel of all time…sex-toy marketers reported a major surge in sales of BDSM gear…
A 2015 survey of a representative sample of 2,021 American adults by Indiana University researchers showed that elements of BDSM were fairly popular, such as spanking (30 percent), Dominant/submissive (D/s) role-playing (22 percent), restraint (20 percent), and flogging (13 percent)…36 percent of U.S. adults said they’d used blindfolds and/or other BDSM gear during lovemaking.
Couple therapists have voiced mixed feelings about BDSM…one-third of therapists considered it bad for relationships….Other reports have shown that among the top reasons for engaging in BDSM were…the closeness BDSM engenders…
The emerging consensus among sex researchers is that, given sincere mutual interest in BDSM and sincere mutual consent, kinky play often enhances relationships and increases emotional intimacy…
But this study adds to the growing literature showing that interest in BDSM is quite prevalent, and that when it’s mutually consensual, playing that way usually enhances relationships.
Wouldn’t we expect an “enhanced” or “increased” connection is the intended outcome of a “dominant” party in a relationship? How can this possibly be healthy?
“Nationwide, 81% of women and 43% of men reported experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime.“
“Unfortunately for many, and especially for children experiencing sexual abuse, ‘stay at home’ doesn’t mean ‘safe at home,’” Of minors who reported… 67% identified their perpetrator as a family member, and 79% said they were living with that perpetrator. This is unsurprising, as approximately 80% of sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim…
the coercive methods domestic abusers use to control their partners and children “bear an uncanny resemblance” to those kidnappers use to control hostages and repressive regimes use to break the will of political prisoners. “The methods which enable one human being to control another are remarkably consistent.”
Many high-profile criminals, particularly those who have committed atrocious crimes, receive “fan mail” in prison that is sometimes amorous or sexual, presumably as a result of this phenomenon. In some cases, admirers of these criminals have gone on to marry the object of their affections in prison
Kingdom Come 